From Doubt to Empowerment: Navigating the Entrepreneurial Journey – with Claire Hill

Welcome to the Bring Your Product Idea To Life podcast. This is the podcast for you if you're getting started selling products or if you'd like to create your own product to sell.

I'm Vicki Weinberg, a product creation coach and Amazon expert. Every week I share friendly practical advice as well as inspirational stories from small businesses. Let's get started. Hello.

Today I am so excited to have Claire Hill rejoin me on the podcast.

Claire is a self belief and business coach and she helps online business owners with a warrior spirit to make their business dreams happen by teaching business and productivity tools with mindset shifts. Claire is the founder of the Vivid Business Club and host of the No Rest for the Vivid podcast.

This is the second time Claire has been on the podcast.

She joined me early in the year to talk about self doubt and procrastination and today I invited Claire on to talk about some similar but different topics. Imposter syndrome and self doubt.

And particularly how comparing ourselves to others or doubting in our own abilities can prevent us from doing the things we want to do, like creating products, selling more products, selling different marketplaces, things in our personal lives. There's just so much that this covers and I know that I took such a lot from Claire's first episode. I hope you did too.

And so I'm really delighted that she was happy to come and join us again and talk about some different topics. So with all of that said, I think this is going to be a fantastic episode.

In fact, I know it is because I've recorded it already and I would love now for you to hear from Claire. So hi Claire, thank you for joining me again.

Thank you for having me, Vicki. It's lovely to be here.

Well, last time we didn't get through half of what I wanted to ask you about, so I'm so pleased you've come back to talk to me again.

Always a pleasure.

Oh good.

For anyone who didn't listen to our last episode or who did and has just forgotten because it was months ago, can you please give an introduction to yourself, your business and what you do?

Yes, I am Claire Hill, self belief and business coach, founder of the Vivid Business Club and I help online business owners with a warrior spirit by teaching them business tools, productivity hacks and mindset shifts so that they can make their dreams happen.

Amazing. And I have a whole list of topics to ask you about.

And in the interest of time and in case I get kicked out of my own studio again, let's crack on, I'd love first of all to talk about imposter syndrome. Claire, so what is imposter syndrome and why do we do it to ourselves?

Imposter syndrome is, I think, I believe that you can completely get over imposter syndrome and move it out of your way completely. There are a lot of, there's a lot of talk about imposter syndrome and I have read that it was a term that was sort of created in the 70s.

And I've also read, though I don't know if I believe it, that it was like a term to use around women in order for them not to want to progress. And I had the first time that I was ever spoken to about imposter syndrome. I'd recently been promoted in my old life into an assistant head teacher.

And I just felt so out of my depth, I didn't know what was going on. And my boss said to me, oh, you're just feeling imposter syndrome because things just get. Feel easy for you normally. So if you're a high achiever.

So what I mean by a high achiever is that you potentially were naturally very good at something, athletics or academics, something where.

Or maybe music, a musician, something where you've just got a natural born talent and you've just picked it up and you've just ran with it and it felt really, really easy. And the first time imposter syndrome might have come into your world is when somebody says it feels uncomfortable to do something new.

And the challenge there is when you aren't accepting that new things are going to feel uncomfortable and therefore you label yourself as not good enough to do that and inadequate. So therefore you are an imposter. You're feeling like a fraud, you shouldn't be there.

And it is really another thing that we like, another cross that we have to bear that we actually get to choose whether we let go of or not.

But it basically is you constantly comparing yourself to other people around you and measuring yourself against extremely high expectations that you have probably set yourself or the media society. I mean, there's a lot of social constructs involved with imposter syndrome and. But you get to choose what you take on and what you leave behind.

And I think that's the power in really moving, passing imposter syndrome and recognizing it for what it is. It's literally just something your brain and how lots of people talk about it, they've caught onto it.

Therefore it's another reason why you can't do what you want to do.

Thank you. And why do you think we do it to ourselves? Is it about staying safe do you think?

Yeah, absolutely. Because when we're learning something new, it's not widely spoke about the, the dip that you feel what in teaching terms.

So when I was a teacher, we talked about the learning pit. And as student, when you're teaching students, you will discuss with them, oh, you're in the learning pit if you're a decent teacher.

If you're a teacher now, talk about the learning pit if you haven't before.

Because it's a natural thing as a child to find something tricky and have to move past it with the right support and the right teaching in order to acquire that skill and that knowledge. And I think as we grow older and we start doing new things, we forget that that even happened. Especially like it wasn't really talked about.

When we was at school, nobody said to me about the learning pit when I'm, you know, doing. I remember doing as level maths and finding some really hard stuff on there.

And I was very naturally good at maths and I struggled and I just gave up. I was just like, I can't be bothered. But back then, it was a different story of what was going on.

But if I'd been taught, oh, actually it's just that process, we, I would probably feel more comfortable about it. And that's what it comes down to is how comfortable we feel in a situation.

And very often if we are approaching something brand new, completely unfamiliar, we are going to feel uncomfortable. But we associate that feeling as we're not good enough, therefore we're imposters. So we do it to ourselves.

But I think we do it to ourselves more because we're not aware of why we're feeling uncomfortable in the first place. And we go straight to the first assumption that our doubt actually creates for us.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And this is why I wanted to talk about this.

Because knowledge is power, and just knowing that what you feel is normal, natural, you can get over it is really helpful.

Because if you're listening to this and you're thinking about you want to create a product or you want to grow your business or you want to do anything, I think it's just worth knowing that all of us experience this and it doesn't even have to be in your business. I definitely felt like this the first time I decided to run a marathon.

Definitely having kids, actually having one child and then having a second child, all of these things. I think all of us are probably going through this. Not maybe not daily, but all of the time.

But I think you can kind of feel like it's just something that's related to business or the work side of your life. But it happens all the time.

Yeah, it's. It's basically any time that you feel inadequate and not enough. That's the crux of it. Like being any. An imposter.

Imposter syndrome is sort of makes it sound like it. It's something that you have to hold on to. It's like being medicalized. I think in.

In regards to its name, you straight away think imposter syndrome is something that you have and that you have to be treated for.

And it sounds quite serious when really it's just, you know, thoughts that you are often having that you are not good enough for what you're trying to do. And when you think about it like that, if you actually argue back with that question, so give me the evidence of why I'm not good enough.

If we are talking to her that like I spoke about in our last episode. But just really quickly, if people haven't heard that one, I doubt is part of us, but it's not the person that's driving the boat forward.

So we can actually have a conversation with that doubt and ask it, why. Why am I not good enough? Why am I. Why you? Why are you as my doubt that part of me that wants to keep me safe and in the familiar.

Why do you want to hurt like, well, basically make me feel worse by saying I'm not good enough. But when we say what good enough for what? And then it's very.

It's not very often that you actually have a huge amount of evidence to support the fact that you're not good enough. And in those moments when you can reframe if it comes back with something.

So say, say you're selling a product and potentially you're not showing up enough because you don't think that potentially you're good enough for your to show up. There's the imposter coming out there, you're brand new to it.

You.

You're not sure how to sell it. Why your product over other thing other other products in the same kind of sector. But when we actually really drill down, sometimes it's because we.

There's a part of that product, there's a part of the process or potentially there's something in the manufacturing that isn't good enough to the standards that you really want to give to your dream buyers. So in that essence you can go back and say. And find that little. What's the word? Like a. That little thing that's really bugging you.

That's causing all of these thoughts and fix it or work out how to fix it. Because I'm sure, Vicki, the people that listen to this podcast, they're pretty resourceful. And it's that point where you. If there isn't.

If there's something that you. You don't think is good enough about your product, you're probably resourceful enough to figure out how to fix it.

And that's where procrastination comes in. Because when.

If you avoid doing that work or you avoid know that the thing that you know will help you grow your business, then that's fear of success. So it's all like they're all woven into each other that makes so much.

And, you know, I really like that because as she was talking, I was thinking about this, that sometimes you just know that something maybe isn't as good as it could be, or, you know, there's an underlying problem, but you don't sort of want to. You just want to carry on. I've done that. But you sort of know, don't you. You have this knowing that actually I could have done that better.

Or I think for me, if I'm sort of think not happy about talking about something I'm doing, it generally means I'm not happy with that thing.

Yeah.

And I've realized that only recently, if I'm too.

If I'm not, if I don't want to get up in front of people or get on social media and talk about, like a service that I offer, it means there's something about that service where I'm not 100.

Yeah.

And I haven't thought of it like that. That actually makes much more sense to fix the underlying issue.

Yeah. I feel that businesses. And even on my. Every single part of running a business is.

Is a jigsaw puzzle or, you know, there's lots of different analogies. You can talk about it like it's a car with a sat nav or, you know, a jigsaw puzzle.

I love the jigsaw puzzle analogy because it's understanding there are so many integral bits that will come together to give you your complete vision. I also love to think about businesses and ourselves as NASA trying to get a rocket into space. And there are so many different moving parts.

If NASA's trying to get something, you know, into space building that rocket and we have to, there are parts. And I'm sure some people that are high achievers.

I'm talking about myself as well here is I can very easily wing it I can win quite a lot because I'm a born blagger. And I think that's just how I've learned to survive, like just through my life. Just black this, black that, it'll be fine.

But then there comes for a point where you really question if you really want the success that you want. Blagging is not going to get a rocket into space because something's going to go wrong.

There's going to be a tiny little leak or, you know, some kind of bolt is going to come undone and that rocket is going to explode further down the line. Now I would rather have all my nuts and bolts in place before I try and launch that rocket into space.

And what I mean by that is scaling the business to a really extensive point because I think you're okay if you're looking at like multi five figure years, you're all right, you're turning over enough, it's okay, feels all good. Then you're wanting to get into six figures and beyond and maybe even to seven figures. There's a lot more moving parts in those businesses.

And if you don't get really nailed down into your systems and processes and the manufacturing of your products and how you're selling it and the marketing strategy when you are smaller, all of those holes get bigger as you get bigger and you might be able to wing it for a certain amount of time, be able to hire people, muddle through. But what if you get to that point and you haven't fixed those holes?

And you are, people are depending on you for salaries and money and it becomes a bigger deal.

So when we really look at it, I feel like getting to the nuts and bolts and the crux of every moving part in your business as early as possible is fundamental in supporting you to overcome that imposter syndrome.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

And we had someone on recently talking about scaling your business and that was the key thing I took from that episode was don't even think about scaling until you've got all of these fundamentals absolutely in place. That makes a lot of sense.

Do you know, coming back to what we were talking about, maybe there's an underlying reason that you're not sure of yourself or maybe you're feeling a bit like an imposter. So I'm not, I'm not asking, trying to trip you up now. I'm genuinely interested.

How do we know when what we're experiencing is imposter syndrome versus is actually it's a bad idea or there's some other do you know what I mean? Because I don't think that's is, that's not always going to be the reason we're procrastinating or we're not starting something.

There will be other reasons. Is there a way, like a check in we can do of ourselves so we know which it is?

Yeah, I think we have to as business owners really get into who we are and being able to listen to our instincts.

And there are many business owners that I've supported that didn't believe they had any instincts, but we all have them because, you know, it's down to DNA and evolution and everything. Everybody has those instincts and it's about giving space to hear them.

And there's one thing about doubt and imposter syndrome compared to that instinct is that doubt has got really sharp elbows and wants to like force its way to the front. Your instinct is such a strong and confident part of you that it doesn't really need to shout, you just need to hear it. It's got a stronger voice.

You know, if you're in a meeting and you have those people that just fill the air with rubbish and they're not really talking like anything that's really worthy of hearing and that's down to their confidence because they feel just fill in the air with, with words is going to help them feel more confident. That's the kind of thing that doubt does. It is just noise.

So creating more space in order for you to hear your instinct is really key in this and finding where that, when that first initial idea, when it landed in your head, how you felt in that moment. Because the best ideas, the ones that are meant for you, the ones that fill you with excitement, you will have a physical reaction to.

And that is your instinct basically checking in with yourself going, yeah, this is brilliant. This is fantastic.

Now, further down the line, there are going to be parts where you feel like you are swimming downstream and everything feels really easy. There are other times when it is not going to feel easy.

And in those moments it's testing whether if I can work this out and get to the other side, am I going to have increased my capacity and resilience for what I am trying to achieve. Because the person that you are right now is not going to be the person that gets you to those dreams. You have to become that person.

Your mission and your vision for your business is bigger than who you are right now. And that sort of gap is where it feels really uncomfortable.

And it's about listening to your intuition and having that trust in yourself that I might not be her right now, but I'm going to do the work to get there. If when you say that to yourself you feel, nah, this whatever work I do, I'm not going to get there.

It's I've just put on a really itchy pair of socks that I thought were a good idea and they're not, you know, like that physical feeling. You will know now if that's even harder for you.

My trick is to toss a coin and everyone laughs when I say this because it seems such a simple solution to something that could potentially be so complex. But what you're doing is giving yourself space to feel your reaction to what that coin says.

So if the coin says this is a bad idea and part of you says, no, I want to do it, you know that you should keep going.

And you might have witnessed this actually, Vicki in When we've done the mastermind work, where I will say, so just give up, don't bother about it, don't worry. And then hearing somebody say, but no, I don't want to do it.

And I remember really clearly when I was doing my master's degree, by the time I'd got to the end of my master's degree, I wasn't in a, in a school anymore. I wasn't teaching. And my master's degree was leadership of inclusion.

So looking at where I was in the leadership team and supporting children with social, emotional and mental health issues in order for them to progress and you looking at that from an inclusion point of view, and what happened is I ended up going down the trauma informed education route. Without that, I wouldn't have all the warrior energy work that I do inside of my programs.

At that point though, it was doing a dissertation on my research which became the work that I do inside of all of the stuff. I just cried. I remember one day I was just crying my eyes out. I couldn't do it. I wasn't even in a school.

My research was, you know, not as good as I wanted it to be because I had to go and do it in another school that I wasn't working at. My brain was in another way, I wasn't like knee deep in product based business by then.

Who was I to be sitting here writing this dissertation, trying it and all the money that it costs to get a master's degree like I'd self funded. What the hell was I doing?

And then it came through from the ethics department at the university that I wasn't actually allowed to even do the research that I wanted to do because it involved speaking to children. And they were just like, nah. Even though it was a survey, really simple survey that was supported by the school, no, they weren't having it.

And so I just remember just crying my eyes out going, I can't do this. Every. Every sign that is telling me that I should not continue with this master's degree is hitting me in the face. I don't want to do it.

And then my husband just went, but you don't actually have to. No one's going to think that you're a failure if you just leave it now. No one's going to have, like, just don't bother. You don't even need it.

You're running a. You know, you're a wire artist now. And. Because at that point, I wasn't even coaching, and I was like, oh.

And then part me went, you are bloody finishing that Masters. It was like this roar inside of me go, this is just a temporary feeling. You're probably tired. Just suck it up and get on with it.

And then, because I felt that, I was like, okay, it's difficult. And I accept it's difficult. It's tough, but so am I. I'm going to keep going.

Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think you're right, is that when we. When we really believe in something, we absolutely can just keep going.

And I know that there will be so many people listening who are like, yeah, you know, getting my product made, I faced problem after problem. Whether it's a supplier, whether it's with shipping or whatever it is.

There'll be thing after thing after fitting, but you believe in it so much that you just keep pushing through.

Yeah. I really love seeing the signs that are difficult now because I've fully reframed this.

There was another point of view that I'd been commissioned to do this huge piece of art for a hotel in Switzerland. And I remember, literally in this office, I cried in that corner over there, like in a ball, just crying my eyes out because I felt so uncomfortable.

That one, it was like the biggest amount of money that I'd ever charged for that piece of a piece of my artwork. It was going to a really posh hotel. So am I good enough to have my work in this hotel?

Getting it there, the size of it, it was like five meters by one and a half meters. It was huge. And in that moment, I. Like I said earlier, I just asked myself, why do you feel like it's not good enough?

Or why do you feel you're not Good enough. And I realized it was all down to that shipping and packaging and supporting the other end of the situation where they had to install it.

So I went back and what it did was really made me analyze the system around shipping big pieces of art and how they are installed and how I support my buyers at the other end, which then allowed me to go on to make still some bigger pieces and not worry about it, but also improve that whole experience for my customer. So I was like, oh, I'm really grateful that I felt like absolute rubbish in that moment. Because what it did is it got me to there.

So now, and it still happens, I will be doing new things and I'll feel incredibly uncomfortable because they're new or at the other end of it, the fear.

Like right now I'm writing the book as, you know, like I've got three weeks until the deadline that I've set myself and it's going to be hard getting to the end of it because my brain is the biggest dream that I've got. One of the biggest dreams. I've got to actually have it done.

And you'll know as well to actually have written a book, even though it's first draft, it's a big deal and it's got. It's going to happen. So my brain is just making me feel uncomfortable telling, you're not going to really do it.

Does it really matter if you don't do it? Who cares? You know, all of these sort of scenarios coming up in your head and really it's just different. It feels different.

And so I've got to grow with that feeling and it's okay.

And I think that there are so many incidences where you will feel discomfort and then at the end of it think, God, if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't have the skillset to deal with this. I'm so grateful for that challenge. So we can't even label the challenges as negative. They might feel uncomfortable.

We can't go, I'm feeling really bad. I feel this is such a negative situation because the goodness that comes out of it is amazing. Everything that we have to do there is a cost of.

So the worse you're feeling, the more resilience you create, the bigger the prize on the other side of it.

Absolutely. It feels so good at the end, doesn't it? I remember that the whole. Really.

I think the whole reason I wrote a book is because when I launched my first product, it took me so long and it was so hard and I got so many Things wrong. And I cried on my stairs so many times.

Yeah.

And then I did it. And then people brought it and I was like, this is amazing. I did that.

And then my whole thing was showing other people how they could do it because I wanted them to feel amazing. Because it. And it goes into other parts of your life then as well.

I think, like, I think the more you do, you still get scared, but I do think you get less scared, or maybe not less scared, but just more comfortable with the feeling of being scared.

Yeah, that's it. Because you are. You just use different mechanisms.

Like, I will recognize that my discomfort is me becoming the person that I've told the world that I want to be. So this isn't like someone's forcing you to do stuff. When we are pursuing our dreams, we're the one that's having that dream.

No one's forcing us to go after these dreams. Like it's us that's doing it. So when I'm feeling uncomfortable, well, I'm becoming her, so how can I be miserable about it?

And I just really practice a lot of gratitude. Thank you for making me feel like pants. Like, I love it. Thanks so much. You know, and just repeat that over and over again.

I'm so excited about what I'm going to learn from this. I really just want, you know, a glass of wine. And that's the thing as well. You are. The normal tendency is to numb those feelings of discomfort.

And what I've learned, being somebody that did for a long time, is that they last longer. It's actually a much quicker process to just feel the feelings of discomfort because it ends up being a wave.

If you need to cry, cry, because that is part of a remedy for you to, you know, help yourself through those feelings. Another thing I do is make myself just a really nice cup of tea. Get in, watch a film. I journal.

I write a lot when I feel really uncomfortable and I cry a lot. But that isn't me being weak. That's not me being inadequate. That's using my body and my human functions in order for me to feel better.

And that's why our body cries anyway, you know, to help us deal with feelings. And afterwards you always feel epic and you're like, oh, yeah, I've remembered who I am now let's get going. Crack on.

Thank you. That's really great. And is there anything else we. On the sub topic of imposter syndrome that you want to leave people with?

Because I'm keeping an eye on the time and I really Want to talk to you about comparison because I think that's another thing that can trip us up.

Let's just go straight into that because comparison is the result of imposter syndrome.

See, I knew it was. I knew it was all worked together beautifully. So I mean, comparison, I. We've all heard the same thing, haven't we? Comparison is the thief of joy.

And I think that's absolutely true. Well, yeah, true for me. I'm sure it's true for. For everyone.

I don't think there's much to be gained from comparing yourself negatively to anyone or anything. But why do we do it? What do you think?

I think as well, this is another thing where it.

It feels like it's a woman problem, but it really isn't because it was Theodore Roosevelt that said that quote and he was like, was he president of the U.S. i don't know if he was actually, but anyway, he was a big deal in America, so I feel like he was the. He was the president during World War II.

Anyway, some. Somebody's screaming, knowing the answer to this.

The thing with when we feel imposter syndrome, that's us not feeling like we're enough and therefore we. We set these expectations of where we feel we should be and we use comparison in find the evidence of that. So it's a way for our doubt to go.

See, I told you we weren't good enough because you're not as good as that person or you're not doing that. So when we are comparing ourselves, our doubt is sitting in the driver's seat. I teach that doubt has roots in worthiness, imposter syndrome and fear.

So at different points your doubt is going to lean into one of those things. And sometimes if you're really finding things a struggle or as.

As I say, you're feeling really wonky, all of those parts will be weaving in and out of each other and you might not actually be able to identify what thing is playing the most in that. In that scenario, but the doubt is in charge. So when you are fight feeling uncomfortable. So we'll. This is usually the process which a lot of.

A lot of people this is going to resonate with. You're feeling uncomfortable because you're doing something new. You will fit.

I find like the excuse of finding inspiration to create social media content. I'm going to go down this Instagram route because I think it will probably be the most familiar.

So you want to find some inspiration for social media content and maybe to check some messages or comments that you might have received in the last 10 minutes since she last checked. Now, there were two things here that are playing that your doubt is in control of.

Number one is numbing the feelings of discomfort by finding an addictive behavior to distract yourself from those feelings. And we're all addicted to our phones. It's the way it goes. And also two, having that expectation. You're.

You're seeking external validation from messages and comments in order to say that you're worth being there. There's two things straight away when you open up your phone that your doubt is in charge of.

You start looking other people's accounts, looking at whatever everybody else is doing or how everybody is looking or whatever your doubt is trying to get you to focus on. And slowly but surely you will pick something up from somebody's account and think, I'm not doing that. Oh, but I don't look like that.

Oh, but I haven't posted enough. Oh, I'm not inconsistent enough. And straight away you're like, bang, bang, bang.

You're collecting this evidence now, that comparison, that's where the thief of joy is.

Because you are, you are basing your worth on the expectations of that's been set by somebody else when really you don't know what's going on in there.

And I know everyone who says this, but by setting your, like, your worthy expectations of how much you are worth on what you see around you is dangerous because you're not. You can't keep tapping into that. You need to go outside of yourself in order to tap into that confidence.

And that's where I find imposter syndrome can get a real hold on you because you. It's like, and I'm talking from my own experience, it felt like when I felt like that I had a great big black hole. Something was missing.

I needed to do this, do that, show up more and do all of these needs, There was like a lack energy around it.

And then when you realize that everything you are and all that you are is magic enough and everything you need, you've got, and anything else that happens is what you want, energy changes. But also it's about falling in love with yourself and really looking at the person that you are. There are things about us that we can change.

Of course, there's always something that we can improve, but that's down to us to say, I'm really good at what I'm doing right now. I'm really worthy of everything that I want right now.

But I would love to have a better mindset when I go onto my Instagram account or I would love to be more consistent with showing up for my business, but it doesn't mean that you're not good enough right now. So the comparison, it's just like, it's just basically beating yourself up all the time. Now, really quick fix from this one thing.

Always check in with yourself of who you are, your values, your. You know a lot. And I love to do that through writing.

As you know, as you know, I write every day and I love it because I need to anchor into who I am. I don't have the same foundations. Some people don't need to do this because their upbringing has been different to mine.

But I know there are certain things, part of my childhood, those foundations aren't there and I have to work around them every day. And I'm okay with that. I accept it. That's the way it goes.

So you have to anchor in to who you are, fall in love with yourself in like, just be really, really, really kind to yourself. And the other way you can flip it is to those people that you're comparing yourself to that are triggering you when you're going onto Instagram.

Can they become inspiring for you? And instead of comparing yourself, what is it about their accounts that is drawing you to them in order for you to. Sorry, what those bits?

Can that become inspiration for you? And I went through a similar thing.

I mean, I'm always checking and checking myself before I wreck myself, because there's this, There was this one account of this somebody who was in my industry, and I didn't even catch that I was comparing myself to her. I didn't. So this is where it can be a bit sneaky, but it's only. It was just this one woman.

And I think when it really gets old, you're literally comparing yourself to everybody. So I was comparing myself and then I, I noticed it and thought, oh, that doesn't feel very nice. Okay, let's flip it right now.

What is it about her account that's making me want to gravitate to that situation? Can I find things that are inspiring?

And then when I went, when I took that other lens to look at her account through and I mean, she's a lovely person. There's no, like, she has no idea.

I'm not going to mention her because, you know, but when I looked through that lens of inspiration, I actually found that the business that she operated didn't. Wasn't based on the same mission, the same kind of mission as mine, or the same kind of values. Not to say that what she's her.

She bases her business on, has got anything wrong with it. But then I thought, well, how can I be inspired by somebody who's not in it for the same reason as me? So straight.

But as soon as I realized that, I stopped thinking about her. And that was the end of that.

Well, that's interesting.

And, you know, when we think about comparison as well, I think that what makes it tricky is if you look for evidence that someone else is doing better than you, looks better than you, shows up, whatever it is, you will always find it. That's true, isn't it? If you went, if you went, if you look, if you look for that, it's always going to be there. So I think that.

But then it can be really hard not, as you say, not to go down that road.

Yeah. And I think it's really key to know that if you are feeling envy or jealousy, it's because you want what they've got.

So instead of being, you know, hurting yourself with it, make a plan and get it too. It doesn't have to be. It's not being specific. It's not copying.

But there's been some people, like I've said a million times, I'm a massive fan of Amy Porterfield. She's got a huge business, she does online courses, and I love the look of her websites. So I will look at her websites. How do they look?

You would never look at my website and think, oh, that's a copy of Amy Portfolio. Because I don't copy. I feel inspired by. I mean, not even the words are the same, but, oh, she uses a box like that, a colored box behind that thing.

Oh, that looks really cool. You know, what does she have with her branding? One thing was that she, you can tell that she always wears her brand colors.

So I was like, oh, that looks good.

Because then you don't have to worry about what your feed looks like if you're wearing your brand colors all the time, because it will look the same little things like that, that. I'm not comparing myself to Amy Porterfield. She's my inspiration. And I think that we have to remember as well, we are somebody's inspiration.

There's somebody looking at us. I wish I had an established podcast. I wish I'd just launched a membership.

I wish I'd, you know, all of those things that we're doing, somebody else is looking at us in that way.

And I feel like that's another reason why that energy of knowing that you're somebody's inspiration, it just Makes I feel like it just adds more context to how far you've come because everybody, there's. Everybody is somebody's inspiration.

That's such a nice way of framing it. I really like that from turning it to comparison to inspiration. And also I really like that now I know why you always wear your brand colors.

Because I have. Yeah, I love learning that I don't.

Have to worry about COVID photos for my Instagram. Then it's easy.

That's really good. I may get inspiration from you now.

Do it, do it. Definitely.

I love that. So, okay, we've spoken a lot about what to do, about how to reframe comparing yourself, but is there a way to spot that that is what we're doing?

Because I think that, yes, we might be aware that we're looking at this person and thinking, oh, they're doing better than me or I can't do that because they're doing it already. But equally, sometimes I think it's not always as clear cut as that.

Sometimes you don't realize that what's stopping you is that fear of I can't do it because that person's doing it. Do you know what I mean? Is that.

Yeah.

Is there a way of sort of figuring that out?

I think if you're, if you're a business owner and you're not on top of how you're thinking about yourself, you've got to work on it.

And I think becoming aware and self like there's a reason why there's so many self development books for entrepreneurs because there is a huge laser focus on who you are, how you think, how you feel, what you do.

And if you are not becoming aware of your thoughts and your mindset and you don't prioritize it as a business owner, it's going to trip you up at some point. There are, you can go a very long way without looking at your mindset, but I don't know if you'd be happy when you get there, in my opinion.

There's so many books I've read and I think so. One, if you, if you're worrying and you think the business isn't working, what is it? First up, look at your mindset.

Check your feelings when you go on to social media first.

I mean, I know we're gravitating towards social media, but it might be if you're going to a networking event and there's a certain person that you're meeting and you think, God, they're a bit full of themselves, aren't they? You Know those sort of. Those thoughts that might come into our head and you think, well, why am I thinking that?

Is it because I think I'm full of myself? It's so. It's actually something I've just experienced this week where I got annoyed that my husband was sick. Like, it's just.

I didn't tell him this, actually, but he doesn't listen to it. He won't listen to this. I got annoyed that he was sick and I was like, goodness sake, you've. Because he went out on Friday night.

So I was like, it's all, you know, you've made yourself ill so that it wasn't anything to do with him going out. And then I realized, why am I having that thought? That's a reflection of how I feel about myself.

If you, if you constantly are having thoughts of negativity towards other people and you're looking and you're sort of judging their character, you're actually self judging first.

And I think when we let go of that and we just accept we are who we are and we learn to love that version of ourselves, you'll be able to become more aware of when that comparison is showing up. I. When I start to compare my. I can feel the energy changing. Main.

Obviously I do this day in, day out, but if anybody triggers me on Instagram and I will have a gosh, he's a bit. Oh, whoa, okay, let's just. We don't have to. I either stop following them or I mute them or I do the inspiration thing. So there's two things.

Like, some people are just not for you. Some people. And that's okay. Like, you don't have to like everybody.

And it might be one thing that recently this happened when I first met somebody and I had a niggle about them. You know, when you meet somebody, you just think, I don't know if you're for me. And I sort of went, I. I became friends with this person.

And then they did something recently that I was. I had such a physical. Maybe it is disgust, I don't know, but it was just so against what I would do in a situation.

It felt so icky that straight away I was like, ah. That first feeling, I. I knew that actually this was. That was true. So again, you've got to listen to your instincts. But I'm very.

I'm so in tune with that because I've practiced my thoughts and my feelings so much that when it sparks up for me, I can feel it instantly. So it's about going back to the Beginning really looking at your, what thoughts you're having, like really become aware of what thoughts.

Then become aware of your words. I would, I would love like starting with like a complaint diet, which is when you just try 24 hours without making one complaint out of your mouth.

You have to start with your, your words before your thoughts. Thoughts are really difficult. You'll be surprised at how many times you'll be like, oh God, this is so annoying. Oh, that's not working.

Oh, and all of that negative energy that you actually creating for yourself and you can reframe it. Obviously there is a lot of crap that happens in our lives. It's.

I'm not trying to dismiss that, but there's also a lot of good that we can reframe and see more of in order for us to become aware of our thoughts. So that when we are comparison comparing ourselves to other people, we're getting it really quickly.

You know, it's about using our energy in the most efficient way and comparison is not efficient.

Thank you so much. And I agree with you that it's, you know, working on our mindset and is really important.

Hence the reason I've got you on the podcast again, Claire, because obviously I talk about lots of topics here. Usually they're to do with selling products, if I'm honest.

However, I think I'm starting to recognize for myself more and more how much our mindsets can trip us up or ourselves. Maybe it's not even our mindset, maybe that's the right way of saying it, but how much we can get in our own way.

And as I'm noting this, this for myself, I'm really trying to share it with other people because I think it's one of those things until you're aware of it, you're just not aware of it.

Yeah. And I think people who think that it can be fixed overnight and that you. It is a one and done.

It is like going to the gym, like it's daily moving with it. And I, when I first started the work and I, and I remember because I became self employed and I wasn't distracted by being in a school anymore.

It was like a tidal wave of horror that hit me in my head because I couldn't. There was no other noise. It was just this roar of you're not good enough. What do you think you're doing? Who's going to buy your stuff?

And it was just horrendous and it literally paralyzed me and made me feel really, really down.

And I think you just gotta know that There are so many people that have been in the same boat as you and I've gotten themselves out and moving forward with it and it's learning.

You know, like me personally, I have gremlins that I'm never going to be able to get rid of, but I work around them and we, you can learn to work around near enough everything. It's about deciding in that moment that you, it's possible.

Yeah. Thank you.

And I think it's also worth saying that as you were saying about having to keep working at it like you would to stay fit or whatever it is, that you can really think you're in control of your mindset and then something come along and really throw you because it's not like a consistent, oh, I'm good now and I'm just going to be good every day. And I'm talking from experience but I'm sure you relate. Like I think my mindset pretty good.

Definitely a lot mentally more robust than I was, much more self aware. But it doesn't mean I don't have a day when something completely froze me and I just go, I can't do that or whatever it is.

So I just wanted to put that out there because I don't want anyone listening to think, oh, if you get on top of this, that's great, you're sorted forever and ever.

No, you're not.

And I think that's what's really key in describing the situation that you just did is that when it's, it happens like that and straight away you have a new response and you're like, right, I can't do it. That is your nervous system reacting, which is a physical response.

So there is certain things you can do to really regulate yourself when that happens.

So the first thing is if you get a doubt that comes into your head or a thought or something sets you off and makes you feel really wonky, your first thing is the physical regulating your nervous system that must start first. And there are so many ways that you can regulate yourself.

You know, listening to some really beautiful music, singing, breath work, deep breathing, meditation, eft journaling, walking outside, moving your body, stretching, yoga, all of those things. There's so many things, it's like a pick and mix. You choose what feels really good for you and, and then go right, okay, why am I feeling like this?

What can I do? How can I reframe it? And you will find that you can get yourself less wonky much more quickly.

But I think that we think it's all in our brain, but our Body and our brain are all linked and when we feel like that, that's our body reacting to what's been in our head. So we've got to sort those feelings out, feel really regulated and then we've got the capacity to take on the reframe. Because if we're not.

If we're in. If you're in a situation where you're completely dysregulated, you're like crying because you don't feel like you're good enough.

Nobody can come up to you and go, I believe in you. Don't worry. Because the first thing you're going to say is, you don't understand how I'm feeling. You're not me. You don't know how hard it is.

And all of these things, we start fighting for our restrictions when actually we just need to clock ourselves. Another one is like, sometimes I just need to be cuddled, like really tightly if I'm really dysregulated.

And then it's like a multi sensory sort of thing. I like squeeze myself, have my. A cuddle and then I'm like, okay, right, you know, like, like skin on skin with a baby, that kind of situation.

And then I'm like, okay, I need to sort of, what, what is next? What's my next step? And then I can start moving through the thoughts.

Thank you and thank you for everything you've shared. But this has just been.

Yeah, this has been a lot and I think it might be one people might need to listen to more than once to kind of get everything from it. But it's brilliant. Thank you.

I'm going to leave you with one final question and as I say, I know you've shared a lot, but I would love to know what you want to leave us with. What's your number one piece of advice for anyone listening to this who needs.

A bit of a boost? You get to decide whether you keep fighting for your limitations or the. The dream is worth fighting for.

And it's actually that moment where you can decide to accept why you shouldn't be doing something, but focus on why you could. There is no difference in anybody moving through with doubt or courage. You know, it is courage. You just got to switch it.

You've just got to turn that switch on and make that decision that you choose to be courage, courageous and be a warrior instead of a worrier.

Thank you.

So obviously I'm going to put the links where everyone can find you in the show notes and thank you for coming on again and I'm sure I'll think of another topic in another six months. I'll come back.

Definitely.

Thank you so much

You're welcome.

Thank you so much for listening right to the end of this episode.

Do remember that you can get the full back catalogue and lots of free resources on my website, vickiweinberg.com Please do remember to rate and review this episode if you've enjoyed it, and also share it with a friend who you think might find it useful. Thank you again and see you next week.