Finding the confidence to work on your product creation – with Helen Hardware

Finding the confidence to work on your product creation - with Helen Hardware

INTRO (00:00:08):

Welcome to the Bring Your Product Ideas to Life podcast, practical advice and inspiration to help you create and sell your own physical products. He is your host Vicki Weinberg.

Vicki Weinberg (00:00:22):

And so wherever you listen to this, I hate for having a wonderful day. So today we're going to talk about confidence. The goals of this podcast is to help you create your own products to sell. And there are so many areas that you might need help with. I try and include as many of these as I, as I can in the content. So we have a mix of practical steps you can take. And I also share inspiration advice from other products, business owners, which I hope is all really helpful. So I guess one of my goals is to help you competently create your product and to feel good about it and to feel good about yourself once you know, you've achieved it and your product is out there in the world, because I had such a competence based after launching my first product and it's helped me and so many areas in my life.

Vicki Weinberg (00:01:04):

It's, it's made me feel confident in, in so many other things, because if you've listened to any of my previous episodes, you'll know that I had no experience in retail or product development or anything similar. So it was actually a massive challenge to create and launch my first product. But once I had done it and I had overcome that, and yeah, the confidence that I gained just helps me so much when I was launching subsequent products. When I started this consultancy, when I created my online course and in so many sort of personal areas of my life as well. And so I would love to be able to do the same for you, but I'm aware that you might be think listening to this and thinking, well, that's all good, but you know, I don't even feel confident enough to get started, or I am not an expert here.

Vicki Weinberg (00:01:47):

So I've invited on the guest who can help us. So Helen, Hardware empowers women with online businesses to overcome self doubt, break free from worrying about what others think and stop procrastinating by unlocking their confidence, clarity, and courage. So Helen, and I are going to talk about how and why confidence or lack of competence can affect us. What that might actually look like. So how a lack of confidence might actually be showing up Practical ways to overcome a lack of confidence and get started with whatever it is you want to achieve. So whether that's creating a product or whether that's something else entirely, I hope that you find it. This podcast is really useful. So with no further ado, I'd like to introduce you to a Helen.

Vicki Weinberg (00:02:29):

Okay. So Hi Helen thank you so much for being here. Can you please start by telling us a bit about yourself? Helen Hardware (00:02:35):

Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. So I'm, Helen, Hardware a rapid confidence coach. And what that means is I help women with online businesses to overcome them self doubt, break free of worry, what other people think

stop procrastinating. So we'll make, what I do different is I help women overcome their subconscious blocks as well as their conscious mindset blocks. So we can really get to the cause of why they're struggling with our company.

Vicki Weinberg (00:03:01):

Okay. Thank you. So, as you know, this podcast is about product creation and it's kind of aimed at people who want to start a product based business, but I'm hoping this episode will be useful for anyone listening, because we are going to talk about confidence and how that can get it in your way. So can you just talk a little bit about how confidence and lack of confidence can affect us?

Helen Hardware (00:03:24):

Yeah, absolutely. So lack of competence, we really hold us back. When we were struggling with our confidence, then we tend to sort of play small. We don't step outside of our comfort zone. We don't like to take risks. We try and hide quite often. Visibility is a real challenge. And now that that's a real problem in business because businesses need is to pass a sales out there to take risks and make sure that people know that were there. Because if we don't know where they're, they're not going to, I want to buy from us. So when you're feeling confident, you really own yourself. If you've ever walked into a room and there have been a really confident person there, the client magnetic charismatic in a really positive way is not about, you know, we're just trying to manipulate people is a really authentic state of being.

Helen Hardware (00:04:13):

And it's when you're showing your true and natural self. When do you just accept yourself for who you are without trying to be somebody else? That's confidence, it's believing in yourself. And it's knowing that you've got enough just as you know.

Vicki Weinberg (00:04:25):

Well, thank you. So how so, so what might that look like? So if somebody is perhaps lacking in confidence and I don't mean, well, actually this is what was your first question. So can you be a confident person, but lacking in confidence in just one area of your life? Do you ha does that make sense? Do you have to have a lack of confidence or could you be confident in some areas and not in others? How does that work

Helen Hardware (00:04:49):

Is completely normal? So most people will be confident about something, even if it is just, you know, you're confident that you know how to do the weekly shop or your confident that you know how to drive two, your favorite place, you know, that there is never going to be something that people are, have no confidence completely not to do it. And that's why I quite often ask people to find that thing, that they are confident about it and feel into it because confidence means something different to everybody. And when I was early on in my career, I found that it would work with people and they would come back afterwards and say, I feel confident that it's not what I expected it to be. And I think in some respects they expected their personality

change and it doesn't, it it's just accepting ourselves by who we are and being okay with it and happy about it.

Helen Hardware (00:05:37):

So it was really important to find that place where you are confident and to be able to find what that feeling is for you. 'cause, it's a little bit different on the inside for everybody. So there will only be something that you are confident about, even if there's lots of things that you feel that you're not confident about. And that's okay.

Vicki Weinberg (00:05:57):

Okay. I guess it Can pull you back to the other way. Can it, so could you have someone that's extremely confident, but let's take in the product creation, examples of someone who is a very confident in most areas of their life and they decide, okay, I'm going to create a product to sell. And for some reason they just have no confidence in their ability to do that. Is that something that you see, maybe not about a specific example, but that happen.

Helen Hardware (00:06:18):

So yeah, it happens at all Time in business. So maybe your transitioning out of a career that you've been doing for years and you know how to do it. And you feel quite confident that when you come to set up your own business that a whole different ball game, or maybe your changing your business, maybe you've been doing something for a number of years, you know how to do it. You know, what your customer base is, you know, what that looks like. And I'm sure you recognize this firm when you sort of shifted from working for us, focusing on your Amazon selling business, into your coaching business is a shift of Mindset and that shift and changing from one thing to another can really cause us to start to question ourselves again. It's really, really common when we are transitioning from one stage in life to the next, whether it's within our career, within our business, whether it's just a stage in life, that little things can impact how confident we feel about life in general.

Helen Hardware (00:07:09):

So that's why I always go back to that point before, which is fine, where you are confident and feel into that feeling and then transport a feeling into those times when you're not feeling confident or remind yourself that you can be confident. It's just this situation that's making you feel that way. It's not that you don't have confidence. Everybody has confidence. It's a natural thing that were all born with. So if you've ever seen a, a baby in the crib, a baby, doesn't go, Oh, don't look at me. I don't want to have my picture taken. They just look it up. They love that attention. So we've all been born with that level of confidence, but things happen along the journey that knock it. So by being able to come back to that feeling and knowing where we are confident and feeling that in the situation, it starts to take that, that thought process out.

Helen Hardware (00:07:57):

And it's me is a problem with me that I'm not confident. So by recognizing that if your, you know, starting selling a product for the first time, that is something different to what you've done before. So it's not that you don't have confidence in that situation is making you feel like you're not confident. And when you start to recognize that it depersonalizes that it makes it easier to deal with.

Vicki Weinberg (00:08:21):

Yeah, I think, or you write because I definitely see some, some people you can definitely see approach you situations and challenges, completely confident date in a way. And while I was with the state. And I know, I know, I certainly know that when I transitioned was, so when I started my products business, I was very unconfident about a lot of aspects of it. And again, as you say, when I started sort of working in a consultancy as well, because despite having a sort of taught myself how to create and launch and sell our products, the fault of teaching other people, how to do that, I immediately went into, well, who am I to do that have only been doing it for this number of years. And, and it was only when somebody said to me, actually, you only need to know more than the people you are teaching and you don't need to know everything that it kind of, I don't know that imposter syndrome sort of went away, but yeah, I think I'm sure that, yeah, this is something that everyone can relate to and everyone's nodding their heads at some point in, in their lives when you've just felt like a complete imposter.

Vicki Weinberg (00:09:20):

I think, yeah. Imposter syndrome is a real thing, isn't it?

Helen Hardware (00:09:23):

It is. And then I get really excited about imposter syndrome because I actually quite a career in law because of the imposter syndrome. So my first career, I worked a lot of years to become a qualified solicitor. And when I qualified, I had a huge anxiety who was, I'd have to do this. I came from a very working class background and my grandmother's words saying, Oh, people like us to become lawyers were haunting me. And I was in my mid twenties. I didn't want to show weakness. Didn't didn't there, I'd met how I was feeling to anybody. And ultimately I quit my career because of that. Now I can look back with all the experience that I've had since I went on to have a successful career in another industry that I can now recognize that it was imposter syndrome.

Helen Hardware (00:10:04):

And actually, if that's really normal in your first job, I didn't know that then. And I didn't reach out for the support that I needed. So that's what I'd always say to people is to recognize, first of all, the impostor syndrome and confidence knocks are a part of lying, but you don't have to suffer with them. There are ways to get help that can actually resolve that situation really easily.

Vicki Weinberg (00:10:25):

Thank you. And so what, what are some practical things people can do to get over any confidence blocks

there might be having?

Helen Hardware (00:10:34):

So I think it was a few things that are relatively simple. So first of all, like I said earlier, have a look at where are you do feel confident and ask yourself, what does that feeling feel like? And how can you transport that, sit, that feeling and the inside of you in to the current situations, can you feel into those emotions? And that will help to make you feel more confident because we can create feelings with our mind. And so by recognizing what it feels like we can then recreate it. Another thing to consider it, write a list of all of your achievements, no matter how big, no matter how small you just remind yourself and how far you've come, but be the, everything that's happened today.

Helen Hardware (00:11:14):

Good to bad you survived it. So you're going to survive these feelings right now as well. But also when you've done that list, look at the back and think about how you felt in those situations. Were there other times in your life when you felt it didn't feel as confident as you wanted to and how did you deal with that? What tools and techniques and what, what things did you say to yourself? I've got, you passed it. You will have been through these situations before. I don't think I've ever truly met anybody that I've met. One person ever wants one woman who is a very senior woman in a bank. And I saw a talk on stage once when somebody asked her about whether she ever doubted and she stood there, very confident in it.

Helen Hardware (00:11:55):

And so I have never doubted myself. And at the time I remember sitting there thinking, wow, that's amazing. Now I look back and think, wow, you can't admit that because it's a sign of weakness. I don't believe that one moment that she doesn't ever have moments where she doesn't doubt itself. So that is that just accept that he's human. Absolutely. Everyone goes through it. So by looking back at your past to see, and how you've dealt with it in the past, seeing what you have achieved that can really help build it yet. The other thing that I would say is don't compare yourself to others. Brenae Brown has got a really great quote on this, which is comparison is a thief of joy. And it really easy to compare ourselves against everybody else and think, well, there are 10 steps ahead of me already that are doing it brilliantly.

Helen Hardware (00:12:40):

Why would anybody want to buy from me? So I'm just not going to bother well, you're on stage that one lady up there on step 10 may, maybe, but they were on step one at once. So everybody starts somewhere and there is enough business out there. There is enough customers, there was enough money for everybody. So don't compare yourself against anybody else. Just know that what makes you special? And what makes you unique is you, there is no body else. That is you. So that's what you bring to the table. And no matter what people feel or think we're all unique. So I have a look at what makes you special just about being you. And I know a lot of people struggle with that thought of being special, but we are everybody especial in their own way.

Helen Hardware (00:13:23):

Everybody is unique. So avoid part of a comparison and just step into owning your authenticity and being yourself

Vicki Weinberg (00:13:32):

And coming back to the comparison. I think as well, something that made people struggle with is often when company's brands Product sort of got on your radar, when you become aware of it with them, most of the time they're already doing pretty well. That's why they hear about them because their doing quite well and that sometimes can feel it, I think, and I have assessed and he had this, but it seems like if someone's come out of nowhere, but when you dig in, I mean, I've done a lots of interviews now with Product business owners' and also read a lot of books and everyone has a backstory. And sometimes it takes years to get, you know, to, to, what am I trying to say? It takes, it will take years to build up a business. It can take years to build it up for a brand.

Vicki Weinberg (00:14:12):

And I don't think there's, I don't know if there is such a thing as overnight success. I mean, I'm sure people have like success boosts or something like that. It happened and their product, right. You know, sell really well. What are their brand might become quite prominent. But I also think it's worth remembering that everyone started somewhere and they actually, everyone started where you are right now. Pretty much. And yeah. And just not getting caught to call us up and looking at where everyone else is now, because we've all seen were so different. Aren't we in our journeys.

Helen Hardware (00:14:40):

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And especially from a product perspective, I always like to think back to Addison in the light bulb, you made over a thousand tents at the light bulb Before we found one that fit that actually worked. And there's a, a great quote that said I didn't fail. I learned to a thousand ways not to make a lightbulb and everything experience that we have along that journey. Good and bad. It's it's all a learning curve. It's also an opportunity. There's a lot. I genuinely believe that there is no such thing as failure. It's something that we create in my mind. And those that are successful are those that don't let those bumps hold them back. But I love the, the idea of what you're saying. They're about, everybody's got a back story and you know, some people who appear to have got the overnight success, think of it like the musicians, how many bands, or have you heard of that are overnight successes when you actually hear about it, they've been going on for 20 years and played in the pop scene's and making their own recordings in the garage and all that kind of stuff and flogging them for their mates before they suddenly get the breakthrough so that they want.

Helen Hardware (00:15:39):

But it's because they still kept it and it kept going. Whereas if you give up the first hurdle it's not ever going to

happen,

Vicki Weinberg (00:15:46):

That's true. And that's why I want to talk about it. A lot of people, it was actually sometimes better just to get started. I'm sort of like knowledge that you will make mistakes. So, but what would you say to anyone who is a bit daunted by that? Because that is because it can be hard. So you take the leap, have courage and faith in yourself. Two, let's say, you know, your going to start a new product. You, you, you know, you've, you get started and you hit a roadblock or something goes wrong. So I'll give you a real life example for mine. And when I had, after it launched my first product that I found out when the product's was literally in, in shop's to be sold where online jobs, but you need to be so bold. I found out that the package was inadequate and people kept sending them back because the packaging was no good.

Vicki Weinberg (00:16:27):

Well, it's quite, quite flimsy. Umm, and that was quite a bit a NOC if I'm honest. So what would you say to anyone who is a bit and he thinks, well, that's all very well, but I don't know if I can handle it. If I, you know, I put all my face, put so much energy and work in to this. What if it goes wrong? Well, I suppose

Helen Hardware (00:16:44):

The comparison is, you know, if you cooked, maybe you put to a meal and you follow the recipe and it didn't come out. Absolutely perfectly. Would you never cook dinner again? It w everything comes in peaks and troughs eat. Yeah. It can absolutely knock our confidence when something like that happens, but it really is about Mindset Mindset is absolutely critical. And Tony Robbins says that Mindset is 80 to a success is 80% mindset and 20% strategy. So it is really important to have that mental strength and that tenacity to say, okay, something hasn't worked out as I wanted it to. And perhaps it's going to be a slightly slower path than I envisaged, but go back and learn from it.

Helen Hardware (00:17:25):

So I'm sure you learned from, okay, well from the experience, I need to make sure that my package is better next time or maybe it also makes you realize, well, I G you know, it was part of the processes. I've got to think of X, Y, and Zed as well before I get to that stage with my next product. So it is about recognizing that things don't always go to plan, but it's about how you respond rather than react. And that just comes from your Mindset. And how much do you believe in yourself and how much you believe in your product? And I always say to my clients, it's really important to believe in yourself, in business, because if you don't believe in yourself or your customers going to believe in you, so that customers need to believe in us in order to buy a product.

Helen Hardware (00:18:07):

If you've got a product designed by somebody that doesn't believe in themselves, why are you going to buy it? What was the attraction if they don't believe in themselves or do they believe in the product? So it is

really, really important to have that mindset. The other thing of course, to consider is Google. You know, think how big Google is. They have a fail fast policy, so they are not afraid to try things. They just have a go. And if it fails early on, great, they actually hold failure parties. So I would say celebrate when things go wrong. And I remember the first time I actually had a note from a customer. I was very lucky when I first started my business, all of the first conversations I had with people turn into paying clients.

Helen Hardware (00:18:49):

And the first time I actually had somebody say, no, sorry, that's not for me. Instead of taking, taking it personally, I actually celebrated, I had a glass of wine and watch, you know, what I had my first know that part of my journey. OK. That's great that it wasn't the right customer or for me, and recognize that you can't be all things to all people, even McDonald's. And Coca-Cola, aren't trying to sell to anybody they're trying to sell to certain demographics. You know, they're not going for that ultra healthy health food market. That's just not their thing.

Vicki Weinberg (00:19:21):

Yeah. And I think you're, well, I think it's easy to say don't be afraid to fail, but I think as long as you're taking some calculated risks, and so I've talked to a lot of reps aside, so I won't go into it now about kind of doing some due diligence, doing some research and being fairly sure that your product is viable before you do anything, because I'm not talking here about on it. And I, and I know you're not seeing the same. Helen no, we're not talking about it. Just going out and doing anything of thinking. Oh, and it will be OK. Obviously you need to be taking calculated risks. But I mean, if you are, as long as you have actually taken a calculated, when you've done your visa, do you know you've got a good product, there's people out there that will buy it, the worst that can happen. Isn't actually that bad. And I mean, coming back to my example with the package, and now that incident is actually something I talk about happily and it's actually all my list of things that I've overcome now.

Vicki Weinberg (00:20:09):

'cause I was like, actually, how that happened. And it was fine. And you know, this, this is still going and probably nobody but me even remember that that was the other thing.

Helen Hardware (00:20:19):

Right. And I quite often get my client's to sit down and make a list of times when things haven't worked out for them, but then look at what the learning was from that situation and how they can use that too. Then, you know, leave for us the confidence now. And it's the same way. You know what I said earlier about quitting my career in law for a long time, it was really embarrassed about that. But actually now that's part of what I've overcome. I have overcome the absolute crippling imposter syndrome. I had it again and actually went through burn-out. That was the point where I went, you know what? I can't do this anymore, but now it means I do understand how people who are struggling with impostor syndrome. I feel I'm able to, to help them with that because I've been in that and I've come out the other side of it.

Vicki Weinberg (00:20:58):

Right. And it's interesting, you said about being embarrassed about it as well, because I think that's something that I have. Another thing that can be on people's minds is not wanting to fail publicly or make mistakes publicly. And, and I'm sure you've got so many States that Helen, but one thing I will say is that from my experience, because I've, I've definitely felt this before and nobody else seems to notice. And even if they do you notice, they don't seem to remember. Yeah. You probably got a more professional opinion other than that Helen, but that's a bit, that's been my experience anyway. I don't really think people pay as much attention to what you're doing as you think they do know exactly how it can. It doesn't, it,

Helen Hardware (00:21:35):

It always have to be, you know, worrying about what your customers that are thinking about it as well. It can be sometimes just the simplest. What are your family thinking? You know, what is your mother-in-law thinking or your best friend, or, you know, other people maybe people used to work with actually most of the time, if they're just really thrilled to see you having a go at something and they're happy to support you. And if they are not, frankly, that's their problem, not yours. You can, you can't change that. So if we, we can get really wrapped up in worrying about what other people think. And especially if, when we've got that fear of failure, but the other one that I see quite a lot actually related to that is fear of success.

Helen Hardware (00:22:15):

What will other people think? Especially family members, if I am successful and make some really big money from this, you know, what, if I'm earning more than my partner, what if we made, came more than the rest of the family? And another one of my coaches said yesterday that she now makes more in a week than her family used to make in two or three years. And yeah, she's had to deal with those money blocks because she had that fear that making a lot of money meant that she was a bad person and it, it doesn't at all. But we worry about that.

Vicki Weinberg (00:22:46):

Yeah. That's a really interesting, so what, what do you say to anyone who has, is that fair? The favor of doing well?

Helen Hardware (00:22:53):

So that is a money block and they think that what we have to do, first of all, let's look back at what their relationship with money has been lying in the past. What are their beliefs about money? Because obviously I'm in a mindset coach. So it's all about what we believe. And by looking back at the, the experiences that we've had, the relationship that we've had, and also a parent's relationship with money, because more often than not are our relationship with money is influenced buying our parents' relationship. And it might be that we are, you know, we were emulating the same relationships. It might be that we'd go polar opposite. And we, you know, we may do that deliberately. We may do it incidentally, and then we may worry about it. So it's

important to understand what your beliefs are until this time and then started to rewrite those beliefs.

Helen Hardware (00:23:39):

So it might be that people have this underlying fear that people who have made a lot of, I have done something bad to an It or they're fundamentally bad people that may be, they are doing something correct. And I remember working with somebody whose brother-in-law, or I think it was worked for the tax authority in having quite, quite a POL that she felt that was a, a, an undesirable or a way to make a good salary, but that was just her money story. She had her beliefs about it, and that was okay. It wasn't actually working with her for money beliefs. So it is important. So, you know what, first of all, how he got to where we are and what it is we believe, and then you can literally start to rewrite your beliefs, start to right, and your money story.

Helen Hardware (00:24:22):

And then start to tell yourself that new money story on a regular day, through reading a story that you've written, writing letters to yourself, expressing gratitude for what you've got as well, really helps to reprogram the mind.

Vicki Weinberg (00:24:35):

And I guess that works for any kind of belief does it, because I think that as well as sort of money mindset issues, I'm sure that, you know, people have issues where you think things like that or not. I'm certainly talking from myself, have I've sat at any fault in the past. Well, I can't do this. I'm not qualified. I can't do this because I've never done that before. I can't do this because I'm bad at that. Yeah. The list goes on really, and I'm sure you can, can relate. So would you take the same approach or those kinds of Mindset

Helen Hardware (00:25:06):

And to some extent, and I think anything that starts with I can't is a big red flag because we tell ourselves these things and there just self limiting beliefs and the difference between successful people and people who aren't is simply what they believe about themselves and whether they're actually willing to take the action. So if we believe that we can't do something, the reality is we're either not going to try and do it, will do it so half heartedly, or that it fails, or I'm we just, you know, we say we have given it our best shot. We haven't. So it's really important to, in those situations to understand what the, the underlying belief its. So I work with people in with their subconscious mind, as I mentioned at the beginning.

Helen Hardware (00:25:49):

And quite often we're not aware that those beliefs are the beliefs that had been made throughout a lifetime So between the ages of about two and 12. I think it goes back a bit earlier. If I'm honest, every experience that we have, our mind forms a belief about it. And so the process is we have an experience. We feel an emotional response to it. And if an emotional response is uncomfortable or painful in, in some way. So whenever we feel pain in her upset, shame, embarrassment, the mind then makes a belief about either of us or the situation. And if it's a bad feeling from one of a better term, the mind particularly will make it about us.

Helen Hardware (00:26:29):

And now what the mind tries to do at that stage is keep us safe. Keep us away from experiencing that pain again. So it forms a belief that influences our behavior next time to try and keep her safe. So the example I always use, maybe when you were sick, if you were asked to stand up in class and read out loud, any trips over a word or the teacher corrected you or that another kid laugh, we form a belief from that. It's an

uncomfortable situation. Maybe we feel embarrassed or you feel a bit shameful. And the mindful is a belief that it's not safe to read out loud in public. And that becomes, I can't read out loud in public. I can't stand up and speak to other people. And of course we can, anyone can do it.

Helen Hardware (00:27:11):

You just stand up and open your mouth. But those beliefs can be at such a level that you might stand up, open your mouth and nothing comes out now. And that's all just down to that underlying belief that you can't do it. So if you believe that you absolutely, you know, we're great to stand up in speaking to people, you wouldn't have that experience. You wouldn't feel that way. So what I do is I help people get to what is it, the root cause of that belief that they can't do. We look back in their, their unconscious mind and find how they form that belief and the first place, what that belief is and how it's limiting them today. And then we start to be programmed, I believe.

Vicki Weinberg (00:27:47):

Oh, that sounds fascinating. So you want to talk a little bit, Helen about sort of the, some of the work that you, that you do to help people.

Helen Hardware (00:27:54):

Yeah, sure. So I use a combination of subconscious or unconscious and conscious mindset work. So if you've ever tried do mice at work, maybe you've done some journaling or you've done some letter icing. All of those things are great or affirmations, but sometimes they don't solve the issue that we still struggle with. Our Mindset even when we've done that. And, and I know because I've been there, the first coach that I worked with, she was brilliant and I did all of this Mindset work, but none of it's seem to stick. So what do I do is different because as I say, it goes into the unconscious mind. Now we've all got our conscious and unconscious mind. The conscious mind, the bet that we think is in control that we're thinking and listening with right now is actually only a pinprick or the size of our subconscious mind, which is huge.

Helen Hardware (00:28:44):

So our subconscious mind is a bit like a data warehouse. It holds a record of every experience we've ever had. Every feeling, every belief, every thought and through using hypnosis, we can go back and find all sorts of information that's stored in their subconscious mind that you're not consciously aware of. And when we can get to it in the subconscious mind and we can reshape that and remold it into something and much more empowering that's when the change process starts to happen. So the things that I worked with people at our

a lot around are, is all self limiting beliefs book, particularly around feeling that when not good enough or feeling that with different to other people and feeling like you can't, CONNECT perhaps that worrying about what other people think is a really, really big issue that I deal with quite a lot.

Helen Hardware (00:29:33):

And that feeling of simply just not being as good as everybody else or not being heard, not being safe, to have a voice, not be safe, to put ourselves out there and be visible. I'm worrying about other people, you know, they're going to judge us for it. So all those types of things, and they all go back to our experiences that we've had. And quite often people don't remember them. It doesn't need to be a big thing. It can be a

really, really small thing. And you know, those things shape our experience. I said earlier, you know, my imposter syndrome came apart from my grandmother, say to me, or people like us don't become lawyers. Now. She doesn't remember that it was a throwaway comment that she didn't mean, but my subconscious mind went, Oh, okay.

Helen Hardware (00:30:17):

People like me from working cross back ground, don't do this. So how am I going to do it? You know? And, and, and that developed into a fear of failure because what if I made a mistake? What if I, you know, I have failed as this Lister. What if, if I were to do is going to judge me for that and it all went past shade, none of those things are going to happen, but it was just my mind when you brought it up.

Vicki Weinberg (00:30:39):

Thank you. Thank you so much for everything that you shared for us and say for anyone who's listening, who perhaps is, I don't know, let's say they are looking to, to sort of start their product business or they're looking to do anything else. And there still is a system not feeling a hundred percent confident about it is that, and I know I put you on the spot here, is that like one or two Quik practical things they can do just to get themselves a bit of a confidence boost.

Helen Hardware (00:31:06):

Yeah. And that goes back to that, that stuff I said earlier, Find why you are confident. Find how it feels. And then in that moment, when you're not feeling confident step into it, so you can find a way to anchor that feeling. So if you go back to the times, when you did feel confident and allow yourself to feel it, and then tap on the back of your hand, so allow those feelings to bubble up and label them. So maybe when you feeling confident, your feeling like, you know what you're talking about, and as you feel that feeling and keep tapping on the back of your hand, then allow yourself to feel another feeling such as I'm trying to think of what it is hard to say it without it feeling with that same confidence.

Helen Hardware (00:31:48):

So it's just about feeling how that confidence breaks it for you. So it might be when I'm feeling self-assured, I'm feeling like I can take action. And every time you will say those feelings, allow yourself to feel that and

tap the back of your hand. So this is actually a, an NLP technique called anchoring. So you anchor those feelings in to that sensation of tacking your hand. Then when you're in a situation where you're really not feeling confident. So, you know, when you're thinking about your business and you get in panic and you get in worktop, and you're thinking, who am I, I can't do this. Just allow that it's happening on the back of your hand. And what you find is that those feelings then start to come back and you go, Oh, okay. Yeah, I can do this. I've now got that feeling of being confident in the moment.

Vicki Weinberg (00:32:30):

Oh, I like that. Thank you. That that's a good technique. I remember years ago when I used to be nervous or public speaking back when I had a corporate job, actually going through a similar exercise of somebody who practice in NLP. And if it was two fingers, so you can see on the screen, nobody asks, come see me. It was, it was very similar. Then it was like, your finger's like this. So I I'm tapping in my farm. And my forefinger is

Gavin for you want to can't see me. That was meant to invoke feelings of confidence. And that was something I was meant to do before I had to stand up and talk. It has to do that. Yeah.

Helen Hardware (00:33:04):

As with any, any motion. What I would say is don't do it with something that you're going to have, you know, if he did it with a hand on your shoulder, that might be something that people would just walk up to you. Okay. Pre COVID may be and put their hand on your shoulder. So sometimes it's a little bit different. So yes, you have your phone in your first thing is a great idea. You can tap the side of your arm. That's another one that I've seen. And also you could make an imaginary circle on the floor. So imagine it like a tube, you know, like on star Trek, when they get into the tube of light and they get beamed up, see, imagine it like a big tube of lights and then step into it and feel what confidence feels like to you. So you think of times when you were confident that stuff out, find another time when you were confident to think about it, you feel the feeling step into the tunnel and just allow yourself to let that feeling grow.

Helen Hardware (00:33:51):

Do that a few times then in your mind, collapsed that tunnel of light down into a bangle that you can put it on your wrist. Or maybe if you collapse it down too, a little coin that you put in your imaginary pocket to do it in your own imaginary pocket. Because if you actually put it in your pocket and you're not wearing the same trousers, the mine can go, Oh yeah, it's in the wash. So yeah, lots of little tricks like that. But everybody has had experiences where they're confident. You will find that feeling and you can find an experience that you felt confident in it, and it doesn't have to be a big thing. It can be, you know, I felt confident that I knew how to make a cake, or I felt confident that I knew had to write my name or, you know, little things doesn't matter what they are, they faster or something that you feel confident that you can do.

Helen Hardware (00:34:38):

You go with it. Find that feeling. And then transports it into times when you're not feeling comfort.

Vicki Weinberg (00:34:42):

Awesome. Thank you. And so for anyone who, and to thank you so much of an answer, it's just a, USEFUL sort of things that someone can do in the moment. That's fantastic. But for anyone who wants to let go a little bit more than their confidence, where can they find you? Helen?

Helen Hardware (00:34:57):

So I'm on my website, which is EmpoweringTransformation.co.uk, where you can find me on Facebook and the Helen Hardware. And if anybody would like to join, I have a group for women with online businesses to raise their confidence, which is called raise your confidence for women in business, right?

Vicki Weinberg (00:35:16):

Oh, thank you so much. And for anyone who's driving or walking, I will link all that in the show notes as well. So people can find you very easily. Well, thank you so much. Helen that seemed fantastic.

Helen Hardware (00:35:27):

Thank you so much for the opportunity has been great.

Vicki Weinberg (00:35:28):

Okay. What are you Welcome thank you so much for listening Helen and I would love to know what you think. Remember, you can find contact details with both of us, a favor in the show notes for this episode, as always, if you'd enjoy listening to it, please do rate for review and subscribe to the show and tell your friends about it. Thank you so much and speak to you soon.